Okay, so I just had to put Mary in so that the title made some sense.

I just had another reality check last night, the first huge one in a long, long time. The NTU CAC Choir was having it’s annual concert and because I knew practically one quarter of the choir since a good number of them were Catholics while one of them was my junior in the ACJC choir.

Anyway, to put it simply, it was one of the best concerts by a student organisation I’ve ever attended, and I’d like to think that my association with the ACJC Choir allows me to be a worthy connoisseur in the field. Though I felt they kept to “safe songs” most of the time (a phrase popularised by the judges in the American Idol semi-finals), and their initial rendition of Negro Spiritual “Dry Bones” was a bit too choral, it was plainly obvious that all involved were just having fun and making music.

Their rendition of familiar Asian favourite Dahil Sa Iyo, a Tagalog love song was strangely poignant, especially when you know a Filipino student in the choir itself. When they used it as their first encore, I believe I saw her tearing. And although I will always believe that only the ACJC Choir could pull off Leong Yoon Pin’s “Dragon Dance”, they weren’t too bad either.

I was initially disturbed by the idea of ending the concert with a “mini-musical”. Having attended the Raffles Chorale concert a couple of years back, I have my reservations of choirs “cutting loose”. There are limits to the methods you use to have fun, and well, the RJC choir just crossed all of them. The NTU CAC Choir, on the other hand, pulled off a rather simple love story using popular songs such as An American Tail’s “Somewhere Out There”, West Side Story’s “America” and Broadway hit “Big Spender”. They were cheesy without being corny, and they proved it was possible to ham up their act without losing the quality of their sound.

Which really depressed me, I guess.

On hindsight, one thing that really cost me in the ACJC choir was being instruments of the conductors and pawns of their agenda. While it’s possible that I might be biased as I say this, I always felt that discipline in the ACJC choir stifled us in many ways. We were so focused on producing a top-notch performance each time that we adopted the conventions of professional choirs. Though we smiled and we had fun each time, there was still this unspoken line that we couldn’t cross. Pop songs were, for the most part, taboo. As a member of the JC choir, especially, we forged ahead with contemporary songs that defied traditional harmony. And though we were proud to accomplish such a feat, the bored faces on many of those in the audience spoke volumes.

I guess what I’m saying is that my experiences in the ACJC choir seem vastly different from that in the NTU CAC Choir. Perhaps this is just a case of the “grass being greener on the other side”. But I couldn’t help but feel envious of the freedom last night’s concert seemed to have.

I was also depressed by the fact that everyone around me seemed attached somehow. Yes, I know this is an issue I have brought up often before, but I didn’t realise how acutely it would affect me in University. When I felt lonely several years ago, I could take comfort in the fact that couples were still a relative minority among my group of friends. As a 21-year-old, however, that’s just not the case anymore. I ended up sitting next to one of my CSA committee members (who’s attached, but who’s girlfriend is back in Indonesia).

Needless to say, I went home scrutinizing my predicament. And despite all my best efforts, I’m still convinced that I’ll never be attached because I’m just not ready for it. How sucky is that?

Oh yeah, I also had this crazy dream too, in the same vein. Was holding hands with some girl (can’t recall who on hindsight, I just remember she was shorter than my usual girl-in-dream) and having a relatively decent conversation about astrology (and Orion’s Belt in particular) when suddenly, her hand became a rotting paw and I realised I wasn’t holding hands with her at all. Then when I confronted her about it she didn’t answer, so we stopped talking and moments later I woke up.

I can’t believe reality happens even in my dreams.