I hate it when this happens…
Do I think too much? Yes, that’s kinda obvious. Everyone who is anyone to me should know that by now. But damn, I hate it when my fear and my insecurities end up getting the better of me.
I thought we had an agreement. Three out of six days, both of us had to be in school around the same time. I would wait for her at Paya Lebar MRT and we were to keep each other company on the long ride to school. Seemed simple enough. Except when she messaged me yesterday at 8a.m. to say she was going to NUS first to check in on her trinket stall at the Science faculty, so she couldn’t meet me. Seemed alright, I guess. After all, I was going to meet her today, right?
Wrong. My message at 6.30am goes unanswered. Hardly a problem. For all I know she’s either still asleep or furiously busy waking up. At 7.05am I reach Paya Lebar. As expected, she’s nowhere to be found. 7.15am comes and goes, but still no sign of her. My calls to her handphone remain unanswered. At 7.30am I decide not to wait any longer and get in the train. Arriving 7 minutes late for my Life Sciences lecture, I am glad A/P Shawn Lum is still preparing for a DVD presentation on the discovery of DNA. I scan the LT. She isn’t around, which actually gives me some respite. Perhaps she overslept, or something.
I call her immediately after the lecture. Still no answer. I give up. I see her friends around, but according to her they’re not really close, so I don’t bother asking them about her. Essentially, I’ve given up.
Why am I frustrated? Because I always let this get to me. Even though I’m concious of what I do and I try to avoid it, I know that the second I see her again, the second I hear her voice, the second I receive an SMS from her, things will be alright. I’ll forget all that I went through. I’ll forget all that I’ve thought and done. It’ll be as if nothing has happened.
I can’t live like this. I can’t go on being insecure about every person I encounter. If I am to get anywhere from here, I’ve got to accept and move on - and not dwell on the fact that history’s repeating itself all over again.
August 18th, 2004 at 11:47 am
Um…as the world would have it, this kinda thing should start happening once you start to show a decent amount of interest in a girl.
What if she’s sick(headache or something nasty)? I know if I had a headache, I’d be practically crippled in bed and *NO* call or sms would be answered till I decently recover. There are lots of other possibilities.
This whole thing could just be a case of bad timing. Like these days I only see Joshi on sundays. 2 weeks ago, I had female company(so Joshi flees). Last week, I had camp which ended sunday, so was coma’d for the rest of the day. This sunday there’s the tourney, so I won’t have my usual lunch with him either. Sometimes these things can’t be helped.
August 18th, 2004 at 2:11 pm
Even my messages to my closest friends go frequently unanswered. Like www says, it just happens…
And especially if one is busy: one can see a message, read it, file it to reply later, and forget.
August 19th, 2004 at 4:28 pm
As originator of some of those close-friend-unanswered SMSes, I’ll have to say that yes, these things happen. It’s wholly possible that people forget, or can’t be bothered to call. I know I’m an anti-social little shithead after all.
Unlax, and realise that you really shouldn’t be needing someone else’s attention to be all nice and perky. (Oh look, Mr Pot, call the kettle black much?)
August 19th, 2004 at 9:51 pm
Isn’t unlaxing kinda like getting constipation?
August 20th, 2004 at 9:31 am
Strangely enough, you’d think so. But it’s clearly used in a ‘relax’ sort of way by that weird red indian vampire in crimson.
I remember very strange things.