Some days you’re reminded that you’re still growing up, that there are things in life you still need to experience, aspects of yourself and your character and personality that you put to the test in order to discover.

Today, as you might have guessed, was one of those days.

This morning, it seemed like any other ordinary day. You wake up, head out of the house for work and then make simple plans to spend time with friends in the evening. But then little things happen here and there, and you find yourself diverted into a whole new setting.

I guess it began with the company lunch. Food was catered because two of our department managers had flown from the US and this was their last day here. The largest conference rooms were opened up to handle the whole department, but obviously there wasn’t enough space for everyone. The interns grabbed their food and headed to a smaller conference room to eat. I took my portion and… went back to my desk. Firstly, for me it was weird being in the large room among so many others, many whom I only knew by sight and not by name. Secondly, I wasn’t exactly buddy-buddy with the other interns either. They were more comfortable in Mandarin than English and when I’m around them, I honestly dislike the feeling of being a kentang (literally, a potato) – yellow on the outside, white on the inside – a guy that looks Chinese but is more comfortable with English as the conversational language of choice. You can tell they’re patronising you when they choose to speak to you in English, so I just avoid the group as a matter of policy.

Now on Thursday nights, I attend a meeting via conference call with my immediate superiors in the States. This time though, before the meeting began, I rushed down to Basement 2 of Takashimaya in the hope of catching the first bit of The New Paper New Face competition. Alas, like all such events, it began fashionably late and I returned back to my office for the meeting having seen little more than an appearance by Paul Twohill.

After the meeting ended, I chatted with some friends on MSN till 9pm then rushed back down to the Basement in the hope of catching the end of the competition. As it turns out, I had missed the whole show. To make things worse, I spotted my cousin, one of the contestants, and she looked really disappointed. To my surprise, of course, I later found out from the rest of my extended family there that she had been crowned First Runner-Up. I never asked her about it, of course, but I suppose she was rather confident of sweeping the grand prize.

I originally intended to just hang around but my other cousins who were there decided to drag me along for some proper food (or so we hoped). And so it was that we headed down to Thumper at Goodwood Park to catch a bit of the New Face afterparty. And that’s when I realised that once again, I was given the opportunity to discover just how comfortable I was in this environment.

Now, I like clubbing in general. I don’t do it often, but I’ve explored Double O, DXO, Bar None before and I’d like to think I’m not a fish out of water there… but the truth is, I really felt it today. My cousins know how to party, and they seemed very comfortable in the environment and it helps that they were dressed for it. Although I was wearing my work attire and didn’t look half-shabby… I nonetheless truly felt… inadequate next to them. Suddenly, it was like all my self-conciousness came to the fore and I must have seemed more than ready to scram outta there.

Thankfully, we left after about an hour… and now I am where I am most comfortable… before a computer screen. It’s days like these that truly remind you that while you may like dancing and drinking and having fun… if it’s not your thing (i.e. if you can’t do it regularly enough to truly count it as a hobby) then it’s just not your thing. Me? I’m beginning to realise I’m most confident and comfortable alone and online, with none of my physical limitations holding me back. I know it’s hardly a healthy attitude, but it’s one that I seek refuge and security in. A place to feel safe, a time to feel comfortable. Ultimately, that is all one asks for, isn’t it?

Decided to rewrite my last post because it confused at least one person… *LOL*

CHOICE is a programme I’ve been a part of and involved in for several years now. It’s essentially a Weekend for singles which helps participants to gain a better understanding of who they are, and to improve their relationships with the people close to them (especially family and friends). Each Weekend is run by a team, most of whom have experienced CHOICE as participants themselves. This team is traditionally made up of singles, married couples, a religious brother or nun and a priest.

My experience with CHOICE has definitely challenged me to make a clear break from the person I was and has been instrumental in helping me set priorities for myself. While I am still learning how to relate better to people, even after all these years, I can see a small but distinct improvement in myself and the way I act. It remains to be seen where these changes will take me, but at least, on my part, I know I can only grow closer to God and the people who are truly important to me after the CHOICE Weekend.

For more information, do check out the CHOICE website at http://www.choice.org.sg