http://megami.starcreator.com/nanaca-crash/

Fun fun fun! Link from Direcow.

Try to beat me! My height record is 533.34m

and my distance record is 7819.68m! (EDIT: as of 11 Mar 05)

I’m even on the records page!

And ironically the week that passed happens to be the mid-semester break. What gives? I dunno leh.

You know, until last night, that word used to freak the heck out of me. It meant making a life decision - of choosing between marriage and celibacy. I thought it also meant choosing between God… and another human being. But let’s start from the beginning.

The initial nudge

I always felt called to the priesthood. I remember feeling curious about the “calling” of the priests in my parish, most specifically Father John van Dich since I was twelve. Faith, religion, the teachings of the Church, these things came easily to me since I was young, so you can imagine what a surprise it was to realise that I was actually unique in my understanding.

So, at the age of thirteen, I became the Catholic geek I still am today. This of course, led to a lot of things–establishing myself as being an mini-authority of sorts on the Catholic faith, for example (not hard to do considering Catholics in general are right accused of knowing very little about what they profess). The other, naturally, would be actively considering a priestly vocation.

For me the greatest and most fulfilling “occupation” ever would be to celebrate Mass for the people of God. In fact, when I attempted a career quiz in JC and was asked to fill in several preferred jobs, I filled in Redemptorist Priest and Franciscan Friar as the first two. I had made no attempt to actively seek out direction from either religious community of course. Heck, I was just 17 and had been Confirmed the year before, had my first community experience as a member of my parish’s “Salt and Light”, the only youth group back in 1999. Heck, I was still actively searching for a girlfriend, but that’s another story.

Staggering along the way

Any sort of progress towards a religious vocation came more or less to a complete standstill when I got drafted into NS in 2001. There were many opportunities to ignore your Christian background in a place like that and while I still played an active role in the newly revamped Youth Council (YC) of Holy Family, my Catholic life was limited to parish activities and I reverted to being something quite different outside of church. It was also around this time that I was given the opportunity to experience once again what community was, finding support in fellow youth in the parish who had similar aims, at least when it came to church.

It was only when I left NS, and headed towards an Engineering degree in NTU that my call to vocation arrived once more. Indeed, it could not have been more provident, for the chaplain of the NTU Catholic Students’ Apostolate (CSA) was none other than then-Franciscan Vocation Director Friar John-Paul Tan. Having befriended both Father JP (as he is affectionately referred to) and one of his students, Jivan over the course of my first year, I was subconciously being drawn more and more to the Franciscan lifestyle and spirituality. I say this of course, because of hindsight, as back then, I simply enjoyed their friendship and their company.

A childhood dream realised

Then, of course, came the musical, which I guess would always remain as one of the biggest highlights of my life. To this day, I’m often being reminded of my little foray into directing by at least one guy who (for better or worse) seems to have been most impacted by the musical. I say “for better or worse” because I recently watched the recorded version and it was painful to realise how much I mangled up the story. But again, I detract.

The one thing that moves me most would be the memory of seeing most of the YC turn up to support me at the musical. It was almost as if things had come full circle: I had tried to bring as much of what I learnt from the YC into my newfound community of CSA in the previous year, and now, here they were supporting me and indirectly supporting everyone in the CSA. It was definitely an emotional night for me, but it wasn’t the end of the experience.

The truth of the matter

As I shared with Ying Thio, another new friend from the Choice Singapore family, the musical helped me realise that realising my dreams of performing and directing were not as fulfilling as experiencing being a part of a Catholic community. In that one long weekend (it was the National Day weekend) I learnt what truly made me who I am. In that same weekend, I committed myself to the service of God and His church, after a long internal struggle with my own personal emotions.

In the same year, I attended the Franciscan Vocation Camp and met up with the other students who were also undergoing different stages of the seven years in preparation for Final Profession - that is, the decision to enter fully into the religious life. For the next several months, I conciously and actively considered the priesthood once again, finding great joy and excitement within myself as I imagined joining yet another community centered on Christ.

Another fork in the road

But things were not to be, it would seem and several changes before this year made it harder for me to meet up with the Franciscans I’d come to call my friends. In addition, I believed I was falling in love, again. Once more, my world lost its foundation, my confidence was shaken and I questioned if the past semester had simply been a fool’s delusion. Once again, I was torn between eros and agape-love for one and a love for all.

Last night, however, at the Praise and Worship Rally organised by the NTU Charismatic Group, I came to the realisation that vocation, my vocation, had never changed. I was simply called to hold God above all, to worship Him alone. It did not mean that I had to give up loving another person romantically. It did not mean that I had to make a concrete decision between marriage or celibacy. All it meant was that I could be myself, united in Christ with the rest of the Church. And then, at that moment, I recognised my vocation.

It was to be… me.

P.S. I don’t know if you read this far, but thank you very much if you did.

From azuresqueand kakita:

What is the geekiest part of your music collection?
Megaman OST. Without a doubt. I got it in a Tower Records sale.

What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie?
I don’t think I watch movies to weep. I tend to weep at all films with paternal themes or sub-plots anyway - such as Armageddon, Lord of the Rings and recently Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein.

If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
Given myself a stronger jaw, actually. Technically it isn’t plastic surgery, I think.

Do you have a completely irrational fear?
I fear heights, and dark places. Ironically, of course, my favourite suicidal thought is jumping off my HDB apartment block at 1 am. *LOL*

What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments?
I talk, a lot. Very fast. In short bursts. Making very little sense. Often getting worse when I realise the people realise I’m insecure. In which case I talk in long drawn-out sentences with little to no punctuation.

Do you know anyone famous?
It depends on what you mean by famous. And what you mean by “know”. I know Denise Tan and Jeremy Ratnam (among others) from my stint Power 98. I know Paerin Choa, but that’s more of infamy, in my opinion.

Who would play you in a movie?
I have really no idea, actually. Ironically enough, I don’t think I have a very famous look. Chances are, I would play me.

What do you carry with you at all times?
My wallet and my handphone. Funny how there used to be a time when I went without either.

What do you miss most about being a kid?
Going without either my wallet and my handphone. Among other things. I miss a lot about being a kid. I think I was a much nicer person back then. I didn’t have to study then to get good grades either.

What colour is your bedroom?
White. My dad wouldn’t have it any other way. The whole house would have been white had my mum not added a touch of sky blue several years ago.

What was the last song you were listening to?
I have no idea. It was on Lush 99.5FM.

Have you ever been in a play?
Several. I joined the Anglo-Chinese Drama Club (ACDC) back in secondary school. I was involved in almost every production, playing a minor role in each. Recently, I played yet another minor role in a musical I wrote and directed. I’m a character actor thespian wannabe.

Have you ever been in love?
I have no idea. I never do.

Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
Only on days when people demonstrate that they like me and believe in me, ironically.

Do transient, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you?
I know I’m not comfortable when I see one or more Indian nationals “camping” in the void deck of my block. I know they’re not homeless per se, but it still gives me the creeps.

What is your ideal marriage location?
The answer used to be my parish, but after the renovation in 1999, I really don’t know. I guess, it would presently be the Church of the Immaculate Heart of Mary at Kovan Road. Essentially I want a church that is big, but cosy.

Which musical instrument do you wish you could play?
The saxophone. Alto sax, preferably. Like the one Lisa Simpson plays.

Favorite fabric?
I’ll go on a limb and say silk. But most of my clothes are cotton.

What’s the one language you want to learn?
Russian or German. Well, Latin too, but technically I know more than the average person. I think.

How do you eat an apple?
With my teeth. I tend to eat everything, skin and all, leaving a very, very thin core.

What do you order at a bar?
House pour, usually. Hopefully Tiger or Carlsberg. I don’t get out much.

Have you ever pierced your body parts?
Not intentionally. A pencil went into my left wrist when I was 8. Fortunately, it was a little thing.

Do you have tattoos?
No. I’m still undecided if I should ever get one, most likely across my back/shoulders.

Do you drive a stick?
For a long time, I thought it was the only thing I’d drive. I’ve since decided that I’ll probably never drive and if I did, it’ll be an automatic transmission system.

Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
I’m past that stage, thank goodness. I’d never wear a dress though. I refuse to shave my legs.

What’s one car you will never buy?
A toy one. I’ve had so many as a kid I grew out of it, fast.

What kind of books do you like to read?
Wow, I don’t know, really. I’ve lost the habit of reading for a while. Except comics and “graphic novels”, of course.

If you won the lottery, what would you do?
Buy a proper shelf for my comics. Wouldn’t know where to put it though. I’d also buy the Godfather trilogy, and an X-Box. I can’t believe how shallow I am. Maybe that’s why I’ve never won money in competitions.

Do you cry in front of your friends?
My church friends, yes. But crying in public has generally stopped for me.

What’s one thing you like to do alone?
Ahem. No comment. Yes, it’s sad, I know.

Are you a giver or a taker?
I’d like to think I’m a giver, but it really depends on who. My parents would probably think that I give of myself too much, and not to them.

When’s the last time you cried?
I came close to it while watching Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein yesterday… but I think it would have been over the weekend, in church, after receiving the Body of Christ at Communion.

How many drinks before you’re tipsy sleepy?
I lose my inhibitions after the first drink, I think. I don’t get sleepy… unless I’ve been drinking till 4 a.m.

You scored as Charity. Charity- with you is the love that lifts the spirits of the world. Charity 75% Faith 71% Hope 64% Justice 61% Temperance 39% Prudence 32% Fortitude 25% The Seven Heavenly Virtues created with QuizFarm.com

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. “
- 1 Corinthians 13:13

Glad to see I’ve got something right with my life.

To no one’s real surprise, I’m spending Valentine’s with my family - again. And yet this year, I’ve had more hope and more friends than I could ever wish for. Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone.

I have found the ultimate comic-movie crossover.

Intense special effects, a deadpan anti-hero, shotgun action that literally blows you away, Rachel Weisz in wet clothes or in water half the time.

Well, maybe not the last bit, althought that surely kept the interest of most of the fanboys in the audience. Anyway, the crux of the matter is this. Of all the comic book movies that have been made in the past couple of years, none can quite compare to the style and panache of Constantine.