Resolutions…

I resolve:

1. To do things I want to do and do them well.
2. To maintain friendships.
3. To pray.

More to come as I think of them.

It seemed like a normal morning…

It’s so surreal when I think about it. I’m in this room, playing Gunbound and getting my morning fix and outside, on Channel NewsAsia, they’re talking about some 40-year-old who passed away from cancer. Naturally, I don’t give it a second thought.

A few hours later, several church friends and I are at Thai Express in Plaza Singapura after watching Brother Bear and lunch. My friend later walks in with the New Paper, and there, on the front cover with the label “Morning Latest”, was a picture of Anita Mui.

Suddenly, it felt like 1997 all over again. I had just woken up and the first thing I read in the Straits Times — was Princess Di’s death. Now, with Anita Mui’s passing, that same sick feeling in my stomach returned.

I’m no big fan of Hong Kong entertainment, but she was still a veteran and a household name in Singapore. It was hard to avoid seeing her movies, if not listening to her songs. Her passing marks the loss of a great figure and icon within the industry.

To borrow a phrase from someone in TheSmartMarks.com forums, “If you told me at the beginning of this year that so many people would leave us… Curt “Mr. Perfect” Hennig, Michael “Hawk” Hegstrand, Michael “Crash” Lockwood, Leslie Cheung, Anita Mui, not to mention my own uncle and grandmother… I wouldn’t have believed you the slightest bit.”

Through the mercy of God, rest in peace, all of you.

Merry Christmas Eve!

Congratulations! You’re Merry!

Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
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Here’s a little story to remember the season…

Who started Christmas?

A woman was out Christmas shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at row after row of toys and everything else imaginable and after hours of hearing both her children asking for everything they saw on those many shelves, she finally made it to the elevator, dragging the two behind her.

She was feeling what so many of us feel during the holiday season time of the year. Overwhelming pressure to go to every party, every housewarming, taste all the holiday food and treats, getting that perfect gift for every single person on our shopping list, making sure we don’t forget anyone on our card list, and the pressure of making sure we respond to everyone who sent us a card.

Finally the elevator doors opened and there was already a crowd in the car. She pushed her way into the car and brought her two kids in with her and all the bags of stuff. When the doors closed she couldn’t take it anymore and stated, ‘Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be found, strung up and shot.’

From the back of the car everyone heard a quiet calm voice respond, ‘Don’t worry. We already crucified Him.’

For the rest of the trip down the elevator it was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.

Don’t forget this year to keep the One who started this whole Christmas thing in your every thought, deed, purchase, and word. If we all did it, just think of how different this whole world would be.

Bloggies united

It’s kinda surreal when, on hindsight, you realise almost all the people you spent dinner with last night are there on your links column on the left. kakita, dys, direcow, azuresque, WWW, Sephyre, every single one of them. And, with the exceptions of Sephyre, who doesn’t have a blogspot and doesn’t exactly have a blog either, and Jack, who just has NO online presence, we all have been checking in almost religiously on each other’s lives via this wonder of technology.

dys, it was really good to see you again. Somehow, it’s always nicer to see people face-to-face.

Christmas is almost upon us and the tension in the air is simply electric. It’s a unique kind of excitement that I’m only just getting used to. After two years in an Army camp and another two years before that in JC panicking about carolling, just being able to be still and be sensitive to the general feeling of expectation simply makes me shiver. Right now I’m in the NTU library and everyone’s trying to get into the same modules and tutorial groups. Some are doing last minute assignments and others are sending online cards. I’m just soaking it all in. This is going to be my culture for the next four years.

Cool.

When I get back at 1pm, I’m going to log into the Gunbound server and play for four hours. It might be the last time, for a long while, I ever have that many minutes to waste on a single game.

The Return of the King or: How I stopped being an idiot and finally watched a good movie

After years and years of insisting that I was never going to watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy, I finally succumbed over the weekend and caught the extended DVD versions of both Fellowship of the Ring and The Two Towers at a friends’ place on Saturday night. This of course, was to prepare me for The Return of the King screening, last night at Orchard Cineleisure.

And I loved every bit of it.

Fantasy has always had a special place in my heart, for that was my first love. Even before the nuances of Star Trek, the complexities of Quantum Leap, the ultimate coolness of Knight Rider to the mind-blowing action of Minority Report, I was a great fan of knights, dragons and monarchies.

And what a treat it was to have all these aspects fluidly portrayed in a stunning production. Peter Jackson’s epic gives such a strong visual representation of the world of Middle-Earth that it’s hard not to appreciate all the effort that went into it. For me, there was just so much to love. From the fact that John Rhys-Davies, arguably the best character actor next to Johnny Depp, plays the heroic dwarf Gimli, to the coolness of Aragorn being a ranger (the first character class I’ve ever played) before becoming King, to the excellent presence of Bernard Hill as King Theoden of Rohan - thus redeeming himself from his Scorpion King role. It was a “Wow. Wow. Wow.” thrill ride through the whole 3 hours in the cinema.

I guess what probably turned me off from the Tolkien books in the first place was the main characters being Hobbits. Anyone close to me would know how much I simply cannot identify with “little people”. However, Sean Astin’s portrayal of Samwise Gamgee simply melted my heart. His one line “I cannot carry the ring for you, but I can carry you!” is the ultimate sign of a pure friendship. I can only hope that one day, I may be able to say that same line and mean it with all my being.

But the one character I truly wanted to identify with, was Theoden himself. Here was a king, ruling over a glorious nation of horse-riders, with a great legacy of leadership upon him. His men are loyal to him and his niece and nephew are utterly devoted to their uncle. He has the support of the greatest wizard in the realm and the friendship of the elves. And yet, he becomes corrupted by Saruman, practically gives control to his evil servant Grima Wormtongue and banishes his faithful nephew from the realm. Despite all this, his niece stays by his side and finally, Gandalf returns and restores Theoden to his original status. Actor Bernard Hill, in his interview on the official site calls it Resurrection and Redemption in Rohan. And that kind of theme I can truly identify with, of faithful friends who stand by you, even when evil threatens to overwhelm you.

And then, when the past is behind, to stand proud before your armies, to lead them fearlessly into battle and to support the same friends who stood by you in the ultimate sign of kinship. And finally, to die honourably, being able to call the name of the one who has always been there for you. Now that, that is a life to dream about.

I am calling my daughter Eowyn.

Fun with Angst 101

Props to kakita for the link. See here for the template.

Here I discompose,
Obscured by my sadness I wail.
Screaming for your imploring sympathy.
I drink your devotion like the tea of terror.

My hate is eroded by your tidal wave.
Your tsunami of sentiment.
Such empathy is my solstice sugarplum.
The carrot of caring.

How can I chastise you if you charleston over my heart?
My hurt is hung by your hurricane.
Your whirlwind of winter willpower.

Ineffectuality.

This sadistic, sarcastic, simplistic,
of sorrow.
I would launder your Labrador if it meant
I could see your legs of love.

Such greed.
Such grief.
How I hallucinate for your hands of happiness.

Steeplechase.

Dude…

OUR GUY NEXT DOOR:
You tell about your life and thoughts honestly and
without pretending. This might at times come
out pretty dull and boring. Never mind - those
who know you will be coming back day after day,
week after week.

What kind of blogger are you?
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You know what really sucks about some Quizillas? That they can be mind-numbingly true. There are times when I don’t want to blog because I know they will “come out pretty dull and boring”. Sometimes I feel my whole damn life is like that.

At the church camp last week, I was reminded that being self-depreciating was killing my relationships with others and probably turning me into an unapproachable jerk. So last night, at a “reunion dinner” of sorts among my batch of ACJC choristers, I tried to make that change. Tried to be cheerful, and cool, and laid-back. I guessed it worked… to some extent. I only put myself down twice. Interestingly enough, on both occasions, they doubled up as being conversation enders. NOTE TO ALL: Do not ask me how I’ve been as a conversation starter, or risk a spontaneous self-pity remark.

It’s amazing how much I hate so much of my past. How much I wish I did everything differently and shot myself at the first thought of suicide. How much I wish that my parents didn’t love me so much so I wouldn’t have qualms about throwing myself off the twenty-fifth storey of my block. How much I wish that I wasn’t Catholic, or so “on” about church-related activities. If there was anything I want to be right now, it’s to be free of everything.

Unfortunately, this life holds way too much for me to give it all up. It may stink, but there are people around who do care. People whom I’ve come to accept as “friends of the heart” and not “friends of the road”. These are the people who keep me going, despite all the shit I go through. These are the friends who don’t expect me to be anything but myself. And I thank God they exist.

I used to think I needed a girlfriend to make me feel good about myself. I don’t. Not anymore. For the first time in a long time, I’m more than content to be me.